One who lives in the heart.

2006-08-05T18:25:00.000-04:00

I no longer blog here.
Too many bad memories are stored here.
Just know

I'm still very happy elsewhere.

2006-04-23T18:19:00.000-04:00

What I conversations I have when I'm suppose to be working...

Me: Danza slap - Slapping a woman's face with your penis. Refers to the urban legend that the actor Tony Danza starred in adult movies where he performed this act.
S.O.: So who's the boss? And seriously, you enjoy this activity that much that you are looking it up on the net. You need a therapist.
Me:I got that out of someone's AIM profile. And I'm not the pervert that talks about it all the time. I just thought it was humorous. Geez.
S.O.: Anna, we all know that it was your profile.
S.O.: Why is it that all my life I've had to live in the shadows of Tony Danza? Everybodys always like, "Oh, its so funny when Tony Danza slaps a wang on my face" and, "Oh, I love Tony Danza and he can do whatever he wants to me." And then the second I do something which is Danza-like I get hell for it. It isn't fair. I'm going to go cut myself now.
Me: Drama Queen... you definitely aren't the boss.
S.O.: Dont make me Danza slap you

Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

2006-04-15T11:58:00.000-04:00

Commitment. Emotional Stock. Intimacy. Taking that thing you call your heart and placing it out in the open.

Females seem to be able to walk right up to this and shake it's hand.
Men, not so much.

I use to be able to do it, when I was young and stupid. Before I realize what l-o-v-e meant.
Now, I'm terrified of it.

At the mere hint of it, I start thinking of ways to get out of the situation, like, pouring hot coffee down my front so I have an excuse to run away.

I see my friends, and they say those three little words like it was the same as saying "hello." I wish I could be so relaxed about it, but I have that one word that gets in the way of those three little ones... baggage.

2006-04-11T13:04:00.000-04:00

My last relationship was one I'll never forget, it was my first "real one" if you will. The first one that I thought for the future on, the first one I allowed myself to let go of a little independence, the first one where "living together" and "marriage" were uttered and I didn't run screaming in the opposite direction.

Now that it is over. I'm not bitter or upset. Maybe if you had caught me a month after it happened it would have been a different story, but I’m female, that has to be expected.

What counts (to me?) is 9 months after it happened it doesn’t bother me, and I’m still very good friends with my ex.

The reason this is suddenly coming up is because of another ex I’ve had who I am to eat dinner with. I like to refer to him as “The Devil Himself” (it’s even in my phone that way). Childish as that sounds, I have my reasons. Some of you are still sitting there thinking “Yeah, whatever, another female is overreacting” but you know it has to be bad when “The Devil Himself” even says what he did to me has to be one of the biggest asshole moves known to mankind.

So, even though I hurt a long time because of him, I somewhat forgave him in this half sort of 50/50 way (this took 4 years of thinking before forgiving).
Sounds Odd?
Yes.
Can it be explained more?
No, much to my dismay, my friends don’t understand it and I can’t explain it.

The worst factor to this mess is he was the first one to figure out what unlocks me. He was that first man to make it more for me than just sex. I’m not talking about that cliché “making love” I mean more along the lines of feeling passionate about sex and not just looking at it like it was a job. So this man has my best and worst all rolled into one.

The first time I felt happy about sex was with him
and the first time I wanted to stab a man’s balls was with him.

Confucius Says:

2006-04-08T17:49:00.000-04:00

Jealously is a terrible disease... Get well soon!

To have emotion or not to.

2006-04-08T02:12:00.000-04:00

Emotion gets the best of everyone. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes not. For females it seems to happen more frequently than it does in males. We are the nurturers, the protectors, we can be fierce and we can shop for shoes. All these things just scream emotion.
For me at least…

I recognize in myself that I react with emotions. It’s something that I honestly don’t like doing. I also didn’t tell myself I did until just a year ago. Before that I was just right in all arguments regardless of the logic behind it. These days I try my best not to do just that. Denial doesn’t keep me warm at night.

Instead, I don’t deny my emotions I just let them wait until the appropriate time. I might feel emotional at some point and if the situation isn’t right (which it usually isn’t) I push them aside, try to think logically, and then unleash the emotions later on when I’m alone or when I’m with another female who I trust (I’m not about gossip either).

This, though it sounds smart, is harder than it seems for a female. I’m not saying that it’s hard for me… it just seems to be harder for every other female I meet (excluding just a few). Why can female’s not see the detrimental traits to reacting on emotion? I know at one point it wasn’t so easy for me, but I had one person point it out, and then I fixed it. And yes, I feel it is something that needs to be fixed. Men can have a fight, fists and all, and at the end of it go back to being friends. The emotion was let out, and then logically they can see they were both at fault. Why can’t women do the same? With women the fight grows deeper and more painful with every “blow.”

I love my few exceptions to the rule. Those females I’ll be friends with until my dying day.

2006-04-07T09:15:00.000-04:00

I believe on my last post the "copy and paste" option got the better of me.
I know word would have caught "significantgant other." Pronounce that word in your head, it almost sounds like a double negative... like I really didn't want to label him (which I don't) as something that belongs to me. Hmmm... maybe my brain is screaming out that I don't need to be in a relationship yet, my fingers just magically typed something that sounds like a double negative to tell my heart "NO!"

Or maybe I'm just a dumbass who cannot spell to save her life.

Either way, quite humorous to see that mistake a couple of weeks after making it public.

I've been so busy these past couple of weeks that I don't even have time to finish this blog post.
More to come later.

2006-03-20T11:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't written a real post on here in so long, I don't think I remember how.
A lot has happened in the past 9 months. Some of it is worth talking about, some of it isn't. I've had to remain very vague on here for the past few months because of some of the horrible e-mails I've gotten. 3 or 4 months have past since I've received a bad e-mail, and in that time, I've discovered a very important fact about the situation regarding the e-mails.

I don't care.

So, my life in a New York minute.
ÂI work now using my first degree (ironically, because I started the second degree thinking I wouldn't get a job with the first one) and still going to school for my second degree (first degree was just an associates).
ÂI live by myself now. Not something I would have foreseen, but I am nonetheless. Hopefully, come this summer, I won't be living alone the whole time.
ÂI'm dating again. Not something I would have foreseen, but I am nonetheless. My brother sat me down very seriously one evening and said, "Do not go out with someone, even on a date, because they have asked you too. Next time you go on a date it should be because YOU'VE asked the guy out, not the opposite."
I thought about it awhile, and I was surprised how much my younger brother made sense, because the only way I'd ask someone out is if A.) I had gotten to know them somewhat before hand and B.) If I had put a lot of thought into doing the asking.
Both seemed like good things to do to protect myself a little.

So I waited, and after 3 or 4 months I met someone that I considered in asking out.

3 or 4 months later I actually got up the nerve to do so.

ÂI've made some new friends and renewed old friend's friendship (does that even make sense?). Strangely, my new friends, significantgant other, and old friends all get along really well. Not something that happens often in my life.
Usually someone always hates someone else.
Usually it's the guy I'm dating that hates everyone.
This time, the only person hated is the guy that assumed I was dating him because I hung out with him as friends. That persoNo. no one likes.
ÂI drink a lot of coffee
The End.

2006-03-09T13:38:00.000-05:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

I adopted a llama.. you should adopt one too.

2006-03-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

I GOT THE JOB!!
WHOOHHOOO!
www.convocations.org
is going to be MINE!
:)

Graphic Design

2006-03-03T13:58:00.000-05:00

Lovely isn't it?

That is a prototype for Purdue Convocation's design for next season.
Those colors will be used for next seasons ads, website, posters, etc.

Question is... When will they hire a new graphic designer.

There is the possibilty that I will get the full load of next season.
Can I handle it?

I have no idea.

Pimp and Ho 2006

2006-02-27T16:28:00.000-05:00

So Friday night was an interesting night. I got dressed in one of the sluttish outfits I’ve ever worn, got a keg, and invited people over… maybe not in that order…

The keg cost around 70 bucks and at the end of the night I had 110 bucks. So I actually made money on this endeavor. Something I honestly didn’t know could happen, I thought parties were

(Amy, Matt, Dustie and Me)

expensive so people didn’t throw them that often, who ever said that originally was LYING… I feel like throwing one each week… my slogan “Low on cash? THROW A PARTY!”

I’d be a hit.

Overall the party was a big success. I still have half a keg, and my fridge is stocked with beer and other beverages (That’s another thing, at the end of a party isn’t the host suppose to have NO alcohol not more than she started with?) but I guess since people are still coming up to me saying things like “YOUR PARTIES ROCK!” or “THAT WAS THE PARTY OF THE SEMESTER! WHEN IS YOUR NEXT ONE!” then apparently it wasn’t a bad party.

I’m out.

2006-02-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

Taken from the Daily Oliver.

Valentine's Day.

I slept through it.

Tuesday February 14th 2006 I slept 13 hours in one day.
It was lovely because I was sick. I left work early that day, slept... watched sopranos... went over to Matt's house.. talked a little bit... passed out again... woke up... went home... then went over to Patrick's house... had a martini... went home... passed out for 11 hours.

It was glorious.

Now I think I'm heading down the normal path again. I sleep a lot still, but not at regular intervals, and it seems that I don't have so much of a sore throat anymore.

In other news, my daughter became Leahy Class President!! I'm so proud.

2006-02-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

The human touch is an interesting thing. It can hurt, it can help, it can make your skin crawl, it can make your skin heat up, and it can startle you.

Last night someone put their hand on my back. My first instinct was to move out of their way, so I started to move when the person asked "Where are you going?" At that point I realized that they didn't want me to move, just wanted to let me know they were there. It was actually very affectionate. Its been so long, I don't remember affectionate. I stayed put, but for some reason I was so focused on the hand on my back, I don't remember any of the converstation I was having or what was going on.

The weird thing for me was, this was the same person I joked around with earlier about not having a heart. Maybe it's me with no heart.

2006-02-07T14:56:00.000-05:00

Every relationship in life is so different from the next, how do you ever know if someone is really worth it?

I have some friends who really get who I am.
I have some friends who really get who I am, but I don't neccesarily get who they are.
I have some friends who act like one person, but become something else when they are under stress or pressure.

I have some friends who haven't changed since I met them.
I have some friends who have changed every month since I met them.

I have some friends who speak my language perfectly.
I have some friends who can read my body language and facial expressions.
Most cannot though.

I have long distance friends who can calm me down quicker than someone standing next to me.
I have short distance friends who can cheer me up quicker than chocolate can.
I have some friends who give me chocolate.

I have friends who are down a lot.
I have friends who I've never seen cry.

I have friends who paint, friends who enjoy cigarettes and coffee, and friends who like to take long walks.

Which one should I trust?

2006-02-03T08:25:00.000-05:00

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

The US knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located
among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of national security.

First Quote, scary but very true. Second Quote, funny because it's all one big conspiracy anyway.

2006-02-01T09:14:00.000-05:00

The last couple of days have been interesting. I became a parent to 5 kids, I married two men, I'm cheating on them with another man, I watched a documentary on Ron Jeremy, I watched porn while eating chicken... And amazingly enough, I got all my homework done too.

I think I'm in a very odd place right now. And I'm sure it's one I've never been at. I'm not sad, or depressed, or feeling even slightly bad... But at the same time, I'm not really happy, or excited, or jumping for joy. I just am. It's like the show, "Dead like me" the girl doesn't really care about life, nothing really makes her happy, and then she's killed with a flying toilet......... Wait.. Maybe not so much like that.

I think I'm enjoying this part of life right now. Maybe that's a step in the happy direction... I've had many many times where the drama feels likes its going to take over everything I can control, and there is other times where there is so little conflicting I become paranoid on when the luck is going to run out. Right now, nothing is happening either way. I guess the saying is true, "Don't worry, be happy."

Body Language

2006-01-26T16:05:00.000-05:00

It's interesting to me how many people don't pick up on body language. It's almost as amazing as those few people that do pick up on it.

Last night in conversation I got uncomfortable. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't a really horrible situation or anything... just the subject matter made me a little uncomfortable. Everyone goes through it, I certainly have anyway. Most people continue their story, and other people in the conversation try to top it, and all the while you sit there and think, "How can I leave this conversation gracefully?"

After the first story was told, by someone close to me, I expected the next person to follow suit with a bigger story to try and trump it. I didn't want to hear the bigger story, but I was having a hard time figuring out how to leave.

The first person finished up their story, in a somewhat expected ending, and then immediately without pause launched into, "Wow, look at her over there, she had about an inch of respect for me, and now she has about a fourth of an inch left."

I turned and smiled and said very quietly, "Oh we've all been assholes before, it's not a big deal." The other person at the table looked as if a monkey started flying beside the table, they obviously had no idea the subtely of the conversation.

Long story short, I didn't have to hear the trump story, and for once it was nice for someone to pick up on my body language instead of the other way around.

2006-01-20T14:41:00.000-05:00

Today I had a lady call me at my office.
Me: "Hello Yadda Yadda, can I help you?"
Lady: "No I'm sorry, I'm afraid you can't, I have an evil phone list that is making me do this"
Me: "... ... ... ... uh ok, Goodbye?"
Lady: "Have a nice day!"

It's days like these that I wish I was the woman in the picture above, and not the woman I am now feeling as if someone is always playing one big practical joke on her.

2006-01-12T16:13:00.000-05:00

I wish I could write here how I feel. But I can't.
You see, this nice ANONYMOUS blog has turned into something that people see ALL THE TIME. I don't mind most of the people that come here. Most of you like to just read the funny stories I write and the spins and curves of where life takes me. You are the people I like.
The people I don't like are those crazy ex boyfriends who come here (I originially wrote at this address to get AWAY from those people) or relatives, over seas, with not a lot of things to do, that come to my blog to read my thoughts and crazy stories, then call my ex boyfriend who I'm still friends with and tell him that i really wasn't worth the effort he put into me because I'm just a trashy whore. Those people I definitely don't like.

But whatever.

I started a new blog.

And since there are a lot of people I still would like to hear their comments and thoughts on my post... I'm trying to debate what to do.
I do NOT want to post the link on this blog.
I do NOT want to have everyone e-mail me and then I e-mail them back.
So what I think I'll do, is add people to my screen name if they IM me "Anjuharsha" and then after a week or so, I'll put up the link under that profile.
That is the only way I feel I can safely get away from ex's and relatives of ex's.
Of course I have no idea how long this will last before the ex's find me again.

Probably not long.
Maybe I should just suffer through and get called a trashy whore by people in another country who I've never even met...

American Movie

2006-01-12T16:09:00.000-05:00

So I saw possibly one of the worst and best movies of my life the other day.

American Movie

I cannot begin to tell you how I loved and hated this movie.
And at the end of it, I felt happy and sad at the same time.
Here are some select quotes from it that made me cry and laugh at the same time.

Mark Borchardt: I was called to the bathroom at the cemetery to take care of something. I walked in the bathroom, and in the middle toilet right there... somebody didn't shit in the toilet, somebody shat on the toilet. They shat on the wall, they shat on the floor. I had to clean it up, man, but before that, for about 10 to 15 seconds man, I just stared at somebody's shit, man. To be totally honest with you, man, it was a really, really profound moment. Cuz I was thinkin', "I'm 30 years old, and in about 10 seconds I gotta start cleaning up somebody's shit, man."

Mark Borchardt: Last night, man, I was so drunk, I was calling Morocco, man. Trying to get to the Hotel Hilton at Tangiers in Casablanca, man. That's pathetic, man. Is that what you wanna do with your life? Suck down peppermint schnapps and try to call Morocco at 2:00 in the morning? That's senseless. But that's what happens, man.

2005-12-16T10:14:00.000-05:00

Hey, I reached 10,000 people visiting me today.

I love you people

2005-12-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those days where you lose patience with everything and anyone?

That is today.

I have no idea, but after watching someone scotch tape a piece of paper together for 30 minutes I wanted to take it from them and run it through the shredder.

Wait, maybe that's not losing patience, maybe that's hating anal retentiveness.

That reminds me of a quote from Dogma:

Loki: Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results!
Bartleby: You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus.

2005-10-31T13:35:00.000-05:00

Uh.. yeah.

What would you like to know about my life?

Interesting...

2005-10-27T16:41:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a moment where someone says something simple and honest, and it floors you beyond belief?

Sometimes the simple words that mean nothing in a novel or are not considered "the greatest words ever put together" have the most meaning...

... funny how that works.