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Location:Purdue, University, United States

I have a need for coffee with my oxygen.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

My last relationship was one I'll never forget, it was my first "real one" if you will. The first one that I thought for the future on, the first one I allowed myself to let go of a little independence, the first one where "living together" and "marriage" were uttered and I didn't run screaming in the opposite direction.

Now that it is over. I'm not bitter or upset. Maybe if you had caught me a month after it happened it would have been a different story, but I’m female, that has to be expected.

What counts (to me?) is 9 months after it happened it doesn’t bother me, and I’m still very good friends with my ex.

The reason this is suddenly coming up is because of another ex I’ve had who I am to eat dinner with. I like to refer to him as “The Devil Himself” (it’s even in my phone that way). Childish as that sounds, I have my reasons. Some of you are still sitting there thinking “Yeah, whatever, another female is overreacting” but you know it has to be bad when “The Devil Himself” even says what he did to me has to be one of the biggest asshole moves known to mankind.

So, even though I hurt a long time because of him, I somewhat forgave him in this half sort of 50/50 way (this took 4 years of thinking before forgiving).
Sounds Odd?
Can it be explained more?
No, much to my dismay, my friends don’t understand it and I can’t explain it.

The worst factor to this mess is he was the first one to figure out what unlocks me. He was that first man to make it more for me than just sex. I’m not talking about that cliché “making love” I mean more along the lines of feeling passionate about sex and not just looking at it like it was a job. So this man has my best and worst all rolled into one.

The first time I felt happy about sex was with him
and the first time I wanted to stab a man’s balls was with him.


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