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Location:Purdue, University, United States

I have a need for coffee with my oxygen.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A little bit of you makes me your man

Today I was standing in line at Starbucks behind one of the most annoying girls of all time. She had a complete Valley Girl voice and tanned to the point of leather, and basically reminded me of a little Chihuahua with more jewels than I had and that constantly yapped.
It was like being stuck in a building that was slowly collapsing and you couldn't even hear your own screams because Britney Spears was singing.
I needed coffee too.
I prayed to Shiva, Ganesha, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, but no one would help.
She recounted to some poor guy her entire slutty adventures on Spring Break.
I know the guy was standing there thinking "Geez, all I want to do is sleep with you like everyone else, why can't you just shut up."
And I know she was thinking, "Wow! Mark, what a nice guy! I mean, He's totally a good friend, I mean, he's so easy to talk too! I'm going to keep him around for a long time so I can keep telling him everything like this!"
I was very stoic.
I didn't grab her hair and pull it out.
I did not set fire to her clothes.
I did not throw my books at her.
I just stood there.
And waited for the line to get shorter.
And I could get my coffee.
Do you know that she slept (in the bed sense, silly!!) with two different guys over break.

Anyway, I got the coffee. Just plain coffee.
She was still standing there when I ordered.
Do you know what she said to me?
"You should really try the other Starbuck's coffees, plain coffee isn't that great!"
In my most stoic politeness I said, "Miss, I worked at a Starbucks for two years, coffee is the only thing here that I will drink."

To this minute, I still wonder what I wanted to imply by that.


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