My Photo
Location:Purdue, University, United States

I have a need for coffee with my oxygen.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

I no longer blog here.
Too many bad memories are stored here.
Just know

I'm still very happy elsewhere.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

What I conversations I have when I'm suppose to be working...

Me: Danza slap - Slapping a woman's face with your penis. Refers to the urban legend that the actor Tony Danza starred in adult movies where he performed this act.
S.O.: So who's the boss? And seriously, you enjoy this activity that much that you are looking it up on the net. You need a therapist.
Me:I got that out of someone's AIM profile. And I'm not the pervert that talks about it all the time. I just thought it was humorous. Geez.
S.O.: Anna, we all know that it was your profile.
S.O.: Why is it that all my life I've had to live in the shadows of Tony Danza? Everybodys always like, "Oh, its so funny when Tony Danza slaps a wang on my face" and, "Oh, I love Tony Danza and he can do whatever he wants to me." And then the second I do something which is Danza-like I get hell for it. It isn't fair. I'm going to go cut myself now.
Me: Drama Queen... you definitely aren't the boss.
S.O.: Dont make me Danza slap you

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

Commitment. Emotional Stock. Intimacy. Taking that thing you call your heart and placing it out in the open.

Females seem to be able to walk right up to this and shake it's hand.
Men, not so much.

I use to be able to do it, when I was young and stupid. Before I realize what l-o-v-e meant.
Now, I'm terrified of it.

At the mere hint of it, I start thinking of ways to get out of the situation, like, pouring hot coffee down my front so I have an excuse to run away.

I see my friends, and they say those three little words like it was the same as saying "hello." I wish I could be so relaxed about it, but I have that one word that gets in the way of those three little ones... baggage.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

My last relationship was one I'll never forget, it was my first "real one" if you will. The first one that I thought for the future on, the first one I allowed myself to let go of a little independence, the first one where "living together" and "marriage" were uttered and I didn't run screaming in the opposite direction.

Now that it is over. I'm not bitter or upset. Maybe if you had caught me a month after it happened it would have been a different story, but I’m female, that has to be expected.

What counts (to me?) is 9 months after it happened it doesn’t bother me, and I’m still very good friends with my ex.

The reason this is suddenly coming up is because of another ex I’ve had who I am to eat dinner with. I like to refer to him as “The Devil Himself” (it’s even in my phone that way). Childish as that sounds, I have my reasons. Some of you are still sitting there thinking “Yeah, whatever, another female is overreacting” but you know it has to be bad when “The Devil Himself” even says what he did to me has to be one of the biggest asshole moves known to mankind.

So, even though I hurt a long time because of him, I somewhat forgave him in this half sort of 50/50 way (this took 4 years of thinking before forgiving).
Sounds Odd?
Can it be explained more?
No, much to my dismay, my friends don’t understand it and I can’t explain it.

The worst factor to this mess is he was the first one to figure out what unlocks me. He was that first man to make it more for me than just sex. I’m not talking about that cliché “making love” I mean more along the lines of feeling passionate about sex and not just looking at it like it was a job. So this man has my best and worst all rolled into one.

The first time I felt happy about sex was with him
and the first time I wanted to stab a man’s balls was with him.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Confucius Says:

Jealously is a terrible disease... Get well soon!

To have emotion or not to.

Emotion gets the best of everyone. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes not. For females it seems to happen more frequently than it does in males. We are the nurturers, the protectors, we can be fierce and we can shop for shoes. All these things just scream emotion.
For me at least…

I recognize in myself that I react with emotions. It’s something that I honestly don’t like doing. I also didn’t tell myself I did until just a year ago. Before that I was just right in all arguments regardless of the logic behind it. These days I try my best not to do just that. Denial doesn’t keep me warm at night.

Instead, I don’t deny my emotions I just let them wait until the appropriate time. I might feel emotional at some point and if the situation isn’t right (which it usually isn’t) I push them aside, try to think logically, and then unleash the emotions later on when I’m alone or when I’m with another female who I trust (I’m not about gossip either).

This, though it sounds smart, is harder than it seems for a female. I’m not saying that it’s hard for me… it just seems to be harder for every other female I meet (excluding just a few). Why can female’s not see the detrimental traits to reacting on emotion? I know at one point it wasn’t so easy for me, but I had one person point it out, and then I fixed it. And yes, I feel it is something that needs to be fixed. Men can have a fight, fists and all, and at the end of it go back to being friends. The emotion was let out, and then logically they can see they were both at fault. Why can’t women do the same? With women the fight grows deeper and more painful with every “blow.”

I love my few exceptions to the rule. Those females I’ll be friends with until my dying day.

Friday, April 07, 2006

I believe on my last post the "copy and paste" option got the better of me.
I know word would have caught "significantgant other." Pronounce that word in your head, it almost sounds like a double negative... like I really didn't want to label him (which I don't) as something that belongs to me. Hmmm... maybe my brain is screaming out that I don't need to be in a relationship yet, my fingers just magically typed something that sounds like a double negative to tell my heart "NO!"

Or maybe I'm just a dumbass who cannot spell to save her life.

Either way, quite humorous to see that mistake a couple of weeks after making it public.

I've been so busy these past couple of weeks that I don't even have time to finish this blog post.
More to come later.